As we go about our day to day lives we are sometimes found in moments of pure joy and complete bliss, or on the flip side in a state of panic, frustration or genrally feeling out of control.
Giving it Thought
When asked to reflect on a time when I felt most out of control, I realised that I was going through moments of panic and frustration and those moments were intense and occurred more frequently than I liked!
Some elements of my life were controlled, for example; I brushed my teeth twice a day, I went to work on time and I completed exercise classes on schedule. The times when I lacked control came from mainly emotional reactions and feeling sad or mad at someone or something.
How could this be when everyone knew me up until then as a positive person? I was feeling out of control because I didnt feel myself- which in turn changed my behaviours and I couldn’t easily change them back.
Energy in and Energy out
Now here’s where the learning happened… “I couldn’t easily change back”. I couldn’t ‘snap’ out of it, I couldn’t think straight and genrally over-reacted more than I liked.
When we are faced with stress or extreme pressure outside of our normal zones we begin to act in a way which is unchatacteristic of our personality traits. When the stress becomes a constant in our lives as does the reactive behaviour and we can feel like a hamster in a wheel.
How do you escape if your life stresses and pressures remain present in day to day life? Surely something’s got to give? For some a breaking point happens and this can be a catalyst for change. For others it is a chance to take stock and do what I call; “The Reverse 180”! If you cant change the outside situations or people – change how you think about it and how much energy you spend thinking about problems, and start spending energy on other- better areas of your life. Areas of your life that deserve attention, nurture and care. Feeding a problem with thoughts can sometimes only make it fatter and more greedy for your precious attention.
The “Comfort” Zone
Back to my ‘not so easy to change’ comment. Change is one of the hardest human activities to do and to accept. Change challenges us, change makes us feel uncomfortable and when given the opportunity many people turn it down in favour of the comfort zone!
The Comfort Zone- a place where everything is familiar, where we know what to expect and where we go back to for more of the same.
It’s also the place growth ceases to occur and attachment to the norm festers – the norm could be in the form of; weight gain, feelings of self-doubt, complaining, blame, hate, anger, self sabotage! This doesn’t sound like the comfort zone- it’s painful in nature and theres nothing comforting about it.
If what you are searching for comes in the form of; healthy weight, self confidence, positivity, self- responsibility, love, joy, celebrating with others and self care then you need to enter into – the unknown! Into the arena of change which is the most uncomfortable, confronting and challenging place you will ever go- way beyond any pain or hurt experienced previously.
It is not easy when challenged everyday with feelings of grief, hurt, stress, pain, guilt or anxiety to believe that there is a harder more uncomfortable place to be! But there potentially can be, and it comes in the form of personal leadership and mindset training.
Positive Mental Health
Rewind 11 months and I was about to embark on a transformational 8 week training programme. This was not a training programme as we know from sport and fitness; “Couch to 5K”, no this programme challenged mindset, self awareness and perception of mental health!
The phrase ‘mental health’ portrays negative connotations and its no surprise that pre-course, I precieved myself not needing too much help on this topic. Wrong! There is so much to learn and I only scratched the surface. How about you ask yourself this; if you are willing to pay for a gym memebership or take part in physical exercise for your body, then should we doing the same for our minds?
Since there is an abundance of evidence to prove both the mind and body are interconnected, we require both to be in healthy working order to successfully thrive.
At the beginning of my course I was petrified, I had experienced stress related symptoms living in Australia, now having moved to another new country and now challenging myself on the last area of health that scared me the most; I thought to myself; “give me a marathon any day!”
Safety in Numbers
As I got to know my group and realised that everyone experiences worry, stress, fear and self-doubt I settled in. This was a place where mistakes were celebrated and reframed as learning opportunities, a place where growth flourished and a place where being out of your mental comfort zone was supported and you could track positive change.
The hardest part about training the mind is the lack of aesthetic results. The toned muscles achieved through exercise or measurements on the scales is proof of change – with this there was no ‘mind mirror’ to see positive growth! The brain is a muscle and we are used to pushing it to fatigue – hence increase in migranes at times of stress as it works overtime to solve our problematic fears! Our brain – like any muscle requires water, rest and nutrition. If we work it too hard like a bicep we experience fatigue- a brain which becomes too tired experiences a build up of waste products and must be treated with care in order to repair, the right nutrition and rest for normal function to support the body.
With our weight training in the gym we can drop the weight when it becomes too heavy. When it comes to our brain we find it challenging to stop thinking and cannot just drop our thoughts! As each week passed on my course I looked forward to each session, just as your muscles gain strength with every gym session my mind became stronger and more aware.
Motivation for Mental Toughness
If we learn the skills and build up the tools needed for mental toughness we will be able to tackle challenges positively. By learning our mental triggers we can start to control the intensity of our thoughts and how they make us feel and act. My experience allowed me to reflect on my own strengths and strive for sustainable growth in line with my personality.
Through writing this blog, attending more training and hosting my own pilot workshops in the summer – I have jumped outside of my comfort zone again to create a community organisation;
Intuitive Design Sessions is a community based organisation which uses personal leadership for positive change. Making use of your own unique value proposition and intuition you can take on challenges and face change in your work and life.
I will be hosting talks, facilitating group workshops and one to one support.
My first event is Tuesday 9th October – FREE information evening up in Aberdeen ahead of my first programme; “Motivation Mondays”.
Click REGISTER on Eventbrite to grab your ticket and find out more!
Thank you once again for taking the time to read and support a topic which we all know is challenging to talk about but with greater awareness we can help our friends, family and communities!
Lead on,
Hayley
Intuitive Design Sessions 